FULLMETAL CHARTIST: A Bastard's Guide To Faking Profitability

There's a myriad of stock market personalities present in social media.

Trolls, legit, legit trolls, gurus, veterans.

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.

Technology has allowed easy access to these people's ideas which add up to a newbie's confusion on what's right or wrong or better yet, who's profitable and not profitable.

But there's a way to make yourself look like a guru or give people the impression that you are consistently profitable. If you want to know how, read on.

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Step 1: Create a Facebook account. If you already have a Facebook account and don't want to use it, create a Facebook Page instead. This is where you will post your analyses. If you're making a page, make sure the name is catchy so that you will have more followers. Here are a few examples:

"The Extremely Profitable Trader"

"Mr Bagger Hunter"

"The Technical Technician"

"Money Machine"

"Fundamental Fund"

"Pak! Ganern Trading"

"EZ Tradez, EZ Lyf"

Step 2: Once you have a decent number of followers. You can start by posting news and other articles related to trading so people would get the impression that you are doing your homework and that you know what you're doing. Comment on BREXIT and other fundamental happenings even if you buy and sell based on the chart. This is because you should know everything. Once you get people engaged, it's time to drop the bomb.

Step 3: Post your analyses on different trading groups or on your own wall.

Step 4: Post your trading transactions. But don't post everything. Just post the buy transactions that would give people the idea that you are currently up on a certain stock.

Note: Never post SELL transactions if it is a losing trade. You don't want to let people see that you were wrong. Remember, if you're profitable, you never lose.

Reality

Step 5: When after posting a stock chart with buy signal or your buy transactions, the stock goes down, stay quiet. If you were able to sell at breakeven or even at 1% gain, post the SELL transactions and say "Whew! Got out before the sell down. The beauty of my trading system."

Step 6: If the stock goes up, be a credit-grabber and say that you've foreseen it but you didn't buy because there are better picks based on your system. If the chart you posted was 1 year ago, grab credit for that too.

"Check out my post 3 years ago. The huge volume that time was a give away for today's rally."

Step 7: If people ask about your trading system, don't lie. Explain it to them to the best of your ability. Remember, this is your trading system we're talking about. This makes Step 8 of utmost importance.

Step 8: Your trading system must be as vague as possible so that you can turn any argument from anyone who used your system and lost money. The more signals your trading system have, the more stocks that go up you can grab credit for.